Thoughts Before Work (2/26/07) The Return
Current mood: rejuvenated
Song + Video to describe my mood today: Mase – Welcome Back
(Minus the retarded slur, yellow clothes, dancing and extra special facial expressions)
What is up my people. I’m back and I missed making y’all laugh. I appreciate all the nice messages and comments I received while I was gone. I had fun while I was away (the parts I can remember anyway) and sort of feel refreshed, time of course flies like it’s on crack when you’re having fun. Getting back to work I realized that I need a raise. That place ain’t shit without me. Today’s TBW will be a retrospect of some of the things that stuck out from both the Ski Trip and my Vegas vacation. These are pretty much all facts so don’t expect them to be too crazy. The crazy shit will resume on Wednesday. On a personal note, I am proud to say that I will not be doing any Anna Nicole Smith jokes because it’s really a sad situation, and I will resist the urge to make any Britney Spears jokes either. Even though she looks like Lex Luthor on Smallville, lol.
Thoughts Before Work (2/26/07) The Return
Ski Trip Recap – Basically I was drunk and/or high & side hustlin’ the whole weekend and missed every single event including the concert featuring Special Ed, Chubb Rock & Slick Rick (one of my music idol : ( I am depressed I didn’t meet him). Here’s some of the things that stuck out.
1 – Did You Know?: Did you know that they sold Sake in Wine & Spirits? I found out just before we pulled off for the ski trip and the best part was no one on the bus knew what the hell I was drinking and the ones that did try some didn’t like it, so I downed a whole bottle of that and some tequila & Mad Dog 20/20 before we even arrived at the hotel. That there set the tone for the whole weekend.
2 – Yo the pool & the jacuzzi at the ski trip….. both those mutha fuckas might need therapy after the ignant shit that went on in both of them. This nigga that looked like he just got home from prison the day of the ski trip was swimming in the pool with his socks on early in the morning after the pajama party. All types of hoochies, hee haws and who dee whos were in that shit knowing damn well they ain’t shower. Another nigga jumped in the pool with his boots on. One of the people working at the hotel had to get a rod with a net and fish something out of the jacuzzi I swear was a condom. I think if a woman swam the length of the pool she would’ve came out on the other side pregnant. I swear if I worked there, I would’ve drained the pool & the jacuzzi after everyone was gone, poured some gasoline in both those bitches and set all that shit on fire.
3 – Check out shorty with the Burger King crown.
She wore that shit the ENTIRE weekend. No joke. I wish someone would’ve tried to take it off her, I think she would’ve snapped and fucked someone up like Warren on There’s Something About Mary when they tried to touch his earmuffs, lol. She’s probably wearing the mother fucka right now as you read this, lol. I made up a background story about her and the crown. Ready.
The sperm cell that created her wore that crown as it raced to the egg. The crown showed in the sonogram on the fetus. The baby was delivered and came out crown first. Years pass and the crown is there during the girls first hair style. Prom pictures included the crown. Graduation day she wore the traditional cap on top of the Burger King crown and just threw that one. After college she gets married and the crown is on the figurine on the wedding cake. She gets older and has to get a CAT Scan. The crown has it’s own brain activity. She gets older and as she wrinkles so does the crown. She dies of natural causes. The options the family has to make include either burying her with the crown on her head, cremating her and the crown or place the crown on top of the urn. THE END.
4 – Now to my plus size women, y’all know I got nothing but love for y’all. But I had some serious gut check moments that weekend. First off, this girl that looked like Norbit’s wife was chillin in the jacuzzi which was located under my room balcony. Me being a playful flirt, I put my hands under my chin and stare at her with this doe eyed glaze just to fuck with her. Guess what? She ate that shit up and I was creepin and crawling all over the hotel trying to avoid her room, which I found out was 3 doors down from mine. I got a message she relayed from one of my friends that she said she could “fuck and suck all night.” Ehhh ehhh eehhh (my soul shivering)
5 – Plus size woman scary moment two came while I was in the bed sleep. It was about 12 in the afternoon on Sunday and these 2 girls me and my roommate met the night before from DC came in the room trying to wake me up. One was a little petite bony girl, the other was built like a bottle of Clorox, lol. The bleach bottle one yanked the sheets off me and left me laying on the mattress still not ready to wake up. While my eyes are still somewhat closed, I look on the other side of the room and see Clorox running towards my bed at top speed. My body stiffened up and my life flashed before my eyes. She then hopped up on the bed and started jumping up and down on the mattress WHILE i’m still on the bed. Im in the bed scared as shit. I just knew she was gonna jump on my leg or something. If I could’ve hopped up like some ninja and flipped out the bed believe me I would’ve.
Vegas Recap – Basically I was drunk every night (some nights to the point of memory loss) and was sick as a dog. Couple this with nosebleeds from me blowing my nose so much (no I wasn’t using Coke, lol) and you got yourselves a vacation. I didn’t make it to any parties or any of the games : ( but I still had fun regardless. Here’s what I remember, lol.
1 – The gate for the Vegas flights were looking like Soul Plane in that mutha fucka. Shit. Niggas had on big chains, Jim Jones chains on their jeans, furs. Hoes had their clear heels on, Baby Phat jeans and all types of other hoochie uniform essentials, lol. While sitting on the plane, one of the people in the row sitting in front of me was messing with his friend that was wearing a fur coat while they were loading the luggage on the plane. He was telling him that the people left his bag on the runway. After convincing him by getting the flight attendants to go along with it and check the luggage out, the guy then started getting concerned. The friend asked the guy “What if it’s your luggage with your furs in it?” He said “They ain’t getting my furs.” I asked myself “YOU BROUGHT MORE THAN ONE FUR COAT TO VEGAS!?!?!?!” Who brings a suitcase full of furs to Vegas? I hate when men wear furs anyway, looking like Sasquatch and shit.
2 – I had another hairbrain get rich quick scheme I wanted to try while I was in Vegas. If I saw Michael Jordan I was gonna pickpocket him and run as fast as I could. I figure since he’s old now he can’t catch me. (Never mind he’s still more athletic than I’ll ever be). I would’ve pick pocketed Shaq too but I didn’t see him. I seen Dikembe Mutombo. I would’ve pick pocketed him and ran but he probably could’ve stretched that long ass arm out and pick me up by my shirt collar.
3 – Skeet Mitchell. I don’t know who this man is but I seen him on the Vegas public access station sitting on a panel and fell in love with dude’s name. That is officially my nigga, lol. I’m afraid to do research on him because I don’t wanna find out he’s some Republican scumbag or something like that, but if somebody could Google him for me and see what he’s about and let me know if he’s a good dude I’d appreciate it. That’s a future alias. Embassy aka Black Skeet Mitchell.
4 – Ladies, I didn’t run into Nicole from the Pussycat Dolls, Hoopz, Jennifer Hudson or Oprah, so you know what that means…. I still got that engagement ring. Engraved too. So if your initials are B.K., H.B. N.S., N.”H”. A., J.H. or O.W., you’re the only one for me. I love you.
5 – You know you’re drunk when you stand on an escalator that’s broke and you actually think it’s moving because the room is spinning. That there is a sign of fulfillment.
6 – See this building right here.
It’s called the Stratosphere. It was featured in the movie Domino. They have a topless show that’s an erotic tale about vampires called Bite. Don’t see it. They should’ve called the shit Suck. But, I do recommend going on all 3 of their thrill rides. Preferably at night and while under the influence of something like alcohol or painkillers like I was. There’s nothing better than having a buzz and being thrown around, propelled and hung over the side of a 1,149 ft building.
7 – Everybody thought this was Katt Williams.
I called him Squirrel Willams, lol. His fur coat looked like a bunch of balled up rats. He had the whole pimp get up too. Pimp chalice, cane, hair permed and pressed. Ironically he had no hoes, lol.
That’s all for me. I got a couple pictures from the Ski Trip on my page. When I get them all together I’ll create a slide show. I should have everything in order by Wednesday. Big ups to Jennifer Hudson, Forrest Whitaker & Martin Scorcese for winning the Oscars they deserve. Eddie Murphy got hosed, but I’m not a hater. Little Miss Sunshine was a good movie and the grandfather was funny as shit. Also, all 3 of my sisters are on Myspace now so stay away perverts (y’all know who y’all are). See y’all Wednesday.