4/6/07 – The Most Ignant Easter Ever (self explanatory)
Current mood: nostalgic
Song + Video to describe my mood today: Curtis Mayfield – If There’s A Hell Below
(You all might think I’m headed there after this story)
What’s up everybody. Remember when I said Tuesday that I was having a good week? I lied, this is a fucked up week, I’m just not one to complain too often. To top everything off the Phillies are 0 – 3 and the player I like the least is solely responsible for the first 2 losses. If I could pull a Tonya Harding on his ass and lead pipe him in the elbow I would. Well, in honor of Easter, here’s one of my favorite experiences as a human being. It happened around 2004 I think. If you’re the religious freak type you might want to ignore this one. And on that note….
Thought Before Work (4/6/07) The Most Ignant Easter Ever
Once again this is a true story. I wouldn’t even want to make this up.
Easter / Pronunciation Key – [ee-ster] –noun
1. an annual Christian festival in commemoration of the resurrection of Jesus Christ, observed on the first Sunday after the first full moon after the vernal equinox, as calculated according to tables based in Western churches on the Gregorian calendar and in Orthodox churches on the Julian calendar.
The meaning of Easter has never been more celebrated in worse ways than this year. My friend Omar has a son whose birthday is on or around Easter. His family wanted to take him to Chuck E. Cheese to celebrate. If you don’t have that franchise in your area or you’ve been living under a rock and don’t know what Chuck E. Cheese is, think of it as a casino for children, minus the gambling. A person in a big rat costume (Trump, lol) walking around playing with children that are running around like crazy, robots on stage performing a show (Coyote Ugly, lol), pizza every where, video games, basically it’s Michael Jackson’s wet dream come to life. Also going with Omar was his sister, her female friend and her friend’s kids. So basically it looks like the arrangement is Omar, his late teen/early 20 year old sister, her friend and 3 kids in a loud atmosphere with a bunch of other loud, bad ass kids. Omar knew he was gonna lose his mind if he didn’t have someone around his age and level to at least break the monotony. So what does he do? He calls the X Factor….
It’s me bitches, lol.
He calls me up Easter afternoon while I’m in the house and asks me do I feel like going to Chuck E. Cheese, lol. What do I as a 20 + year old male with not a child in sight say? Hell Yeah!!!! I shower, get dressed, throw some cologne on (lol, not for the kids, for single moms. you don’t see virgins in Chuck E. Cheese) and grab a bottle of Henny off my little bar area. We get in the car and head towards Southwest Philly to the Chinese store/ weed spot and grab a couple bags and blunts. We’re in the car getting high as shit and wasted (on Easter) heading down to the Chuck E. Cheese in South Philly. O’s sister and son were already in there, so the smoke and everything wasn’t bothering anyone. We get to the mall area where Chuck E. Cheese is and pull up front like we’re some type of superstars about to make a red carpet entrance blasting R. Kelly’s song Fiesta (of all the music artists in the world) with smoke coming out the windows in plain view of a bunch of children and aggravated parents that been standing in line for quite some time. We smoke a little more while parked, take some more Henny to the gut and get out the car. The long ass line in front of Chuck E. Cheese was like fucking Studio 54 but since our party was already in there, we walk past the line and straight in like we’re V.I.P. and shit (ghetto fabulous). People in line yelling “How’d they just walk in? That’s bullshit.” I vaguely remember myself saying “We’re on the list” lol. We walk in Chuck E. Cheese smelling like drunks that just survived a forest fire. We get there and my munchies kick in. I’m eating the pizza that’s there for the kids like I brought it, then I proceed to the video games and take serious pride in the fact that I’m high and tipsy and can still kick the little kids asses, lol. If this was the phrase at the time, I would’ve looked the kid in the eyes after beating them and said “Oh, you mad cause I’m stylin’ on you….” (reference below)
Eventually we leave and part ways for a little bit. I go home, get a small nap in and chill for a little.
Once again the phone rings.
It’s O bitches, lol.
After making a children’s place like Chuck E. Cheese look like backstage at a Snoop Dogg concert, where do you think is the most appropriate place to go later on Easter night?
Night On Broadway!!! Thee dirtiest and grimiest strip club EVER, lol. No pole. No champagne room. If you ran a black light through that shit it would probably light the whole block up. Seriously though, what other type of strip club would be open on Easter? We go just for a little bit though, I never liked that place. I always feel like I got a roach crawling up the small of my back as soon as I sit down in there, I think it’s a mental thing lol. All in all, being hooligans around kids, smoking, drinking and lap dances is something I don’t think any normal human being would associate with Easter, and that’s why I like this story so much. Matter of fact, there are two revelations that came from this experience.
One, I’m having my 30th birthday party at Chuck E. Cheese. No one believes me when I say this, but I’m already saving loot to rent the place out for the night and only allowing people 21 and over to be there. Not that I have childhood issues, but shit, you got me, you, pizza, Henny, Patron, a big ass rat walking around and video games. Only thing left is the DJ. I think that would be the party people will never forget, thinking to yourself “I can’t believe I’m like 30 partying in Chuck E. Cheese.” Matter of fact, I’ll let you in free if you show up wearing my adult One-zy clothing line, also available in Big and Tall sizes for all you Ruben Studdard / Rosie O’Donnell types. Here’s the prototype design from Sharvon…
Revelation number two. Omar is having his birthday party on The Spirit Of Philadelphia cruise ship. That shit is gonna be off the hook, lol. Our asses might get thrown overboard by the ship’s captain but still. Here’s the information, you all are invited to come. The last day for payment to be accepted is April 19th. Hit me up for more info if needed.
Was that an advertisement you just read? Shit yeah!!!! Hope you all enjoyed my wild ass story. A regular Thoughts Before Work will be on once again on Monday. Check my page out too in the time being. I got my items on sale in the Snocap box on my page ranging in price from $0.99 – $4.99. Also in the blog I got the newest mixtapes from my series on sale. Every online purchase comes with a free cd. 2 for the price of one. BEAT THAT SHIT!!!! Peace everybody. Happy Easter and have a good weekend.
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